St.Ammy

My Earliest Memories

2011-10-03T19:21:00.000+02:00

There aren’t many moments in my life that I would say theywere the most important ones. Never did I thought it will be fair orwise to assume such moments exist. The only moment I can freely say that it wasthe most important one is the moment I was born, every other moment cannot liveup to it.

My earliest memory ever starts with me in the car , probably being setting on my mother orsister’s lap, I was looking from the window and into the sideway of a road, we were leaving the airport and heading towardour new home in Tarhouna- Libya. I remember that daylight was above everythingelse.
There weren’t many buildings tosee, I remember I was feeling confused; it was two months earlier than my 3^rdBirthday. The memory also ends with me being in the car.

The white plastic tray with Mars Chocolate bars on it shaped the formof a cake, and I remember that it was my 3^rd Birthday, I remember the presence of my oldest brother, I also remember that the personholding this cake had to come down to my height in order for me to see it and probablyblow the candles, that is if they used candles, I don’t remember blowing any. ButI also don’t remember a lot of things :)

Things I love

2011-09-22T23:53:00.000+02:00

We all have things that we love, things that we hate andthings that make us smile, I am starting with this list of the things I love, ‘causetoday seems like the right day to do so :P

I love reading a new book

Rainbows

Rainy days

Ribbons

Coffee with friends

The smell of a brand new shoes

Ice tea at my favorite place

Sleeping

Getting away with things ( When I expected hell!)

Watching Sonbol ( My fav cartoons when I was 5)

The sounds of the waves

Music

Blurt laughter

This emoticon :P

Awesomeness

2011-09-20T21:02:00.001+02:00

اتكيفتك

2010-10-11T19:27:00.005+02:00

جبنة ضحويه ...اتكيفتك
موزونه...بخورها تيمان
--
منقد وشرقرق..وراكوبه
مرصوصه بنابر...وفنجان
__
رملتا مرشوشه..وزير بارد
والشيشه معسلها رويان
__
صينيه وبلحه ولالوبه
وحلاوة نعناع ولبان
---
وطيوبه ..حلاوتها مصاصه
ولابسالها ..سفنجه وفستان
-
وشافع بين ..نبله وقمريه
وشافع..طق طق ..فى البمبان
_
وأولاد براحه..وكوتشينه
واصحاب وقرايب وخيلان
_
وبنات بى تيابهن...وحبوبه
بترسل "نادوا الجيران"
-
سبعه..الودعات فى طرف توبها
"ارمى بياضك يا أحسان
-
بتك ديك..الما مخطوبه
جاييها عريس..جيبو ملان
_
تضحك ..وتقرقر طيوبه
والفرح يتشتت ألوان
_
بتكيف كل تفاصيلها
واتكيفتك يا انسان
-
فنجان والتالت والرابع
وشربتك ..سابع فنجان
_
موزون فى كل تفاصيلك
مجنون يا هذا الفنجان

ميسون مطـــــر

*Na Gi Photo
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Na-Gi-Phot
os/110056695717887?v=photos

The Bliss of Writing.... :O

2010-07-22T22:47:00.005+03:00

To sit down and prepare yourself for typing is probably one of the simplest and hardest thing the one can do, because when you imagine yourself writing you're most likely -or I am most likely -think that words and ideas will flow smoothly, all you have to do is move those golden fingers of yours for a considerable amount of time and boom! just like that you'll find that you had finished your article, poem, story, or whatever you're writing .

Speaking of short stories, people usually think that they are easier to write when compared to a 300 page Novel, but in my humble opinion- which I think anyone who ever tried to write is most likely to agree with- writing short stories is more difficult, more demanding, most of the times less enjoyable to read not to mention just underrated by Nobel Prize voting body.

****

Rainbows and rabbits, glittering fountains, flying coloured stars " Glittering as well" , Shining red shoes. END OF IDEA # 1

Love and how beautiful it is, how beautiful the world is when there's love. END OF IDEA # 2

Love and Loss and thinking about love and loss. END OF IDEA # 3

Depression. TOO TIRED TO END IDEA # 4

Hobbits. DONE BEFORE, STOLEN IDEA.

Give up writing. IDEA # 5

They say that great minds are the ones who are able to write something original, genuine and still enjoyable and inspirational to read, but if you want to know my opinion, I think you have to be at least slightly if not wholly demented to do that.

I tried writing a Novel once, because a friend had asked me to. So, I sat down and wrote an almost completed first chapter, and just when the story started to come to life and become interesting ideas stopped flowing, the lead character who is a dynamic guy became dull , a total couch potato. Now put yourself in my shoes, how can I possibly finish this story if my lead character just refused to do anything interesting or engage in any form of activity?

Ok, now to continue writing this Novel I must inspire this Character to do something, think of something, or at least remember something ( Memories always enrich Novels ) and I can not do that while I am feeling perfectly sane. I was lucky to have been able to start writing the first chapter, of course I was light headed and had my reasons at that time, I was lucky back then.

The two most important questions that I should be asking myself right now are : 1- How can I get back to that state of mind?. 2- Do I really want to?

To answer the second question which is the easiest to answer, yes, maybe. I mean, ofcourse I want to! who wouldn't want to be a writer, writers are cool and smart in their own way- at least that what they say to comfort themselves. Plus , Writers have a license to be a little on the crazy side and I want that darn license!!!

Unnamed Story- Chapter One " Almost"

2010-07-22T22:45:00.001+03:00

Sitting in a smoke filled room, in an old worn- out chair, trying to look away from the cat that was hyper focusing on him, he tried to take a deep breath, the smell of the molded roof accompanied with his Felinophobia was becoming unbearable. But he must stay and wait for his turn, his friend swore by the talent of this fortune teller, normally he would laugh at the idea of seeking the help of a psychic, but desperate situations call for desperate measures, he had tried about everything, from Yoga and exercising to sleep deprivation and home remedies, nothing really seemed to help with his writing.

Now that he is next in line, he began to have second thoughts, what is he doing in this place, why is here wasting his time with a psychic, he didn't really wanted to go that far, but he had to, and that feeling of obligation only made him feel worse, it made him realized how desperate he was. his self pity thoughts were distracted by sound of the door being opened. A middle aged woman came out of the room in the end of the hallway, she was smartly dressed in suit, she didn't look like the kind of people that would go to a fortune teller for help, but again neither did he, he thought.

A few seconds later a feminine voice called his name and asked him come in, how did she know my name, she must be really good at her job, he thought.

He entered a relatively small room, the furniture looked rather plain, there was nothing really special about it apart from the fact that it seemed very old. The woman sitting on the chair before him looked more like a professional executive than someone who connected with spirits for living. she pointed for him to sit. 'Open your hands', these were her first words, and he complied. A few seconds went by and then she asked him again to take a deep breath for he was too nervous, and again he did exactly what she asked him, then she told him to look at her, their eyes connected for a while and then she wrote something in her notebook with certainty and confidence that reminded him of his father's heart surgeon.

'I can't help you', she said, and examined him again with her eyes for a few seconds before she told him that his Aura wasn't clear and that he needed to communicate with his "self" in order for him to have a clear Aura so that she can give him a reading.

The woman gave him some herbs and asked him to boil them and drink their water every morning and whenever he goes to sleep for three days and then come back to her. Her first consultation was free but of course the herbs weren't. He gave her the last money he had on his pocket and left the room with the sense of being fooled, he will never come back to her again, that crazy lady, he told himself. ' I don't have an Aura, and even if I did, it will be clear, crystal clear'.

Now that he is disappointed with which was to him a final desperate try, Josh played in his mind the forty minutes he had spent at the fortune teller's place, he recalled it over and over again, searching for a tiny detail that would make him change his mind and maybe convince him that she might really be able to help him, but his tries were in vain, the fact that she was clueless about what he had wanted from her and how she can help him was as clear as day light, he decided.

The last minutes of day light were passing as he walked home, and a cold light wind blew on him, this weather in this time of the year reminded of other times, times that had gone so fast, that even him the live-for-the-moment guy couldn't hold a grasp of, just like this day, along time ago, he was walking down these streets with Lila, they were in love and felt that they were so strong, they thought that they ruled the world, together they felt invincible, and maybe, just maybe for a fraction of time, they were right. But time had other plans for them, plans of which they can not be together. Thinking about these times now didn't make him feel as lonely as he thought they would, on the contrary, and to his surprise, it gave him some kind of peace, he smiled as he remembered how lucky he was, and how generous life was to him.

Soon he will reach home, dine and watch some TV before he goes to bed, just like he spends most of his evenings, he often thought about how dull and lonely his life had become, but for some strange reason, today he was glad that he will be able to spend the evening alone and in peace. Whenever he experienced these moments of peace, he felt grateful to be alive and to some extent happy with how his life turned out to be, unfortunately for him these moments were rare.

Just as he arrived to his apartment and was unlocking the door, he heard his phone ringing and then he heard his voice on the Answer Machine, he couldn't tell if the caller had hung up or left a message, a few seconds and I'll know, there is no reason for me to imagine scenarios in my head, he told himself. as soon as he got in he checked his Machine and played the message on the Answer Machine, ' Hi Josh, this is me Eric, Sarah is inviting some people over for dinner and we are hoping that you can manage to come, OK, that's it, see you later tonight, Ciao'. Josh felt a little happiness for being remembered, it made him think that there were people in this world who cared about him, people that weren't family or girlfriends, and that was nice, he thought.

He had a second thought about if he should go, after all, he wanted to stay home tonight, but in the end he decided to go anyway. Eric and Sarah have always been very nice to him, thanks to their friendship he was able to go through a lot of things in his life and not feel alone. Sarah would make sure he is invited whenever she hosted some social function. He never really enjoyed these dinner parties that she throws but he would go there because being invited to dull events is always better than not being invited at all, plus whenever he accepted such invitation, he got a chance to meet new people, impress other guests and feel like he still have what it takes to be a special admirable individual. He could never really get lost in the crowd, after all, he had always been gifted at making great first impression, if he had one gift that was more valuable than his writing abilities, it was his captivating and fascinating charisma, gaining admirers had always been unbelievably easy, it comes almost effortlessly for him, and if he had one great curse, it was that he was never really able to keep up to his reputation, for some reason, losing admiration for him was easier than earning it, for he loses it without the slightest effort, time takes care of that for him.

The evening had gone pretty much as expected, ex-changing small talks, enjoying a nice dinner, and of course impressing people by trying on his "artist" character, he managed to talk about the difficulties of being one of the few writers today that didn't abandon their standards for quick profit, and about how determined is he not change, even if that means that his writings will never get published, but he forgot to mention that non of his writings were ever completed, as the evening went by he kept eye contact with the people in the room and talked with so much enthusiasm that he almost got to the point of believing that what he was saying was actually true.

These few moments that he experiences when ever people showered him with admiration every now and then made him feel happy, but he was happy only when he was in contact with these people, when he was in the middle of the process of selling himself, but this happiness quickly vanishes as soon as he would leave the room, because in his heart he knew he was lying, it's not the fact that he was telling lies that made him feel bad, it is the fact the he needed these lies to feel complete, that's what really crushed him. He will never do that again, tell half truths or talk about imaginary projects, nor will he try to sell himself as a great artist, he swears to himself, takes oaths, but as everything else he does in life, he never follows up. The temptations are always greater than what he can fight. However, he never stops saying to himself that he is capable of stopping, he is just not ready yet. That's what he usually tell himself in order for him to go to sleep with clear conscious.

He left his friend's house early to catch the bus, his car broke down last week and it's supposed to be ready by next day, until the sun shines again, he is supposed to do without it, he didn't mind taking buses or walking home when ever he got a chance to, because that gives him a chance to be more close to people, as a writer he needed that, he thought. The truth was, he was happy when ever he was close to people, even if they were strangers that were talking on their cellphones and having their lunch as they walk down the streets, no one can ever really tell when did his unusual fixation to people start. It's just how great writers are like, they keep themselves in contact with people to get to know their stories, problems and dreams so that they can have better understanding of the human life, he tells himself trying to ignore the finger that keeps poking him and telling him that there is something missing in him, something very important to his well being.

He took the bus again next day to get to his car's mechanic's workshop, he left a little early so that he can pick up the car and drive to work in time, his Job as an analyst assistant in in a survey company was something he was grateful to have, the working hours were few and the paycheck was good, he had thought about looking for another job at times when his Job requirements continuous routine and his own personal boredom took a toll on him, but thinking was all that he did. He arrived at his mechanics just in time, the car was ready but he had to wait until his paper work were ready, he had always hated anything that had to do with insurance paper-works, but today he was happy that he finally got a chance to use the money he pays to Insurance Companies every month. An old man sat besides him, Josh said Hi to him and the man said nothing back, the silence ruled again in the room, the old man was in his late sixties, he looked like someone who obtains the wisdom of the world, someone who choose to sum it all up in his laughing eyes, the old man kept his eyes on Josh, he kept staring at him as if Josh reminded him of someone he knew. Josh felt uneasy and wondered about the creatures of the world that started examining him as some sort of a delightful habit lately. 'What's your name?' the old man said to Josh as he kept looking at him with a suspicious look, 'It's Smith, My name is Josh Smith', Josh replied with a nervousness that reminded him of the way he would reply to his mother as a kid when she would ask him and his brother questions like who broke the Ashtray or what did they do to Mrs Thelma's Cat. The old man took a moment to grasp the answer then he asked him some more questions like how old are you, what do you do for living, and how much you get paid at work?. Josh normally wouldn't appreciate such personal questions from stranger, especially strangers that enjoyed staring at him, but for some reason he felt the need to comply, Josh answered the old man truthfully and then it was his turn to ask questions.

- Why are you asking me these questions? and do I know you?

- No, I don't think we've met before, but I am interested in offering you a Job.

- Job? what kind of a Job?

- I want you to work with me, and I will offer you 3 times what you get paid now.

- Work with you doing what exactly? do you own a Survey Company?

- No, I want you to work with me, as my Son.

- Your Son?! I am not your Son and there is no such thing as working as someone else's son.

-Of course there is, I just asked you to.

-You must be crazy.

-Is this is how you treat old people, have you not any compassion in your heart?

- Seriously, you must be really out of your mind, and I don't have time for this nonsense.

Josh stood up from the chair and walked around the room, he avoided eye contact with the old man and started counting the minutes the separated it him from leaving the room, a few minutes went by and then they called his name and told him that all his papers were ready and all that he needs to do is sign some papers, Josh did as asked quickly and hurried to go and get his car. As he was leaving, he went through the same room in which he had met the old man, he hurried his steps as he got there and was headed for the door. Josh couldn't help but take a last look at the man before he left the place for good, that's when he noticed the old man's teary eyes, 'This is not happening', Josh told him self and tried to leave as quickly as possible and pretend not seeing any of these tears, but just as he passed the old man, he heard him soaping loudly 'Curse him', Josh thought, and turned back again, slowly he walked back to him sat beside the man to asked him what was that about.

- Look, I am not your Son, you do understand that don't you?

- Yes, the old man said as he kept soaping.

- So what's the matter? why do you want me to pretend to be your son, and why are you crying?

- ....

-Look, I don't have much time...

My Calling

2010-04-11T18:38:00.000+02:00

My Calling

I look at you

You’re looking back

I see rivers, oceans and stars

That lies within your eyes

I look at you

A burning fire

And a raging soul

Is all I see

Looking at you

Again and again

But when I stare

The haze around you

Starts to fade

And a hallow soul

A sullen smile

Is all I see

I look once more

And this time I feel so scared

Because I see a deadly trap

And because I hear

Frightened ghosts

Calling out for me

And this time I see

I see, death staring back at me.

September 8, 2007

Your Song

2010-04-11T18:29:00.003+02:00

Your Song

With a misty smile, courageous soul, and a steady walk

You’re walking this earth

Ruling this earth

Playing with it like a 5 year old

So arrogant and bold

Your heart is plain cold

I look at your eyes

And it feels as if I’m seeing through fire

I love your little lies

You spit it

As if you really been through it

You’re so devilish inside

Devious and crazy

Like a rock star

Yes, you are

You look back at me

With a numbing smile

And I freeze for a while

Wait… this is not how it’s supposed to be

I’m not supposed to talk about me

This song is dedicated to you

For, and about only you

But when ever I think of you

I can’t help but think of me

As in you and me

And this can not be

‘Cause the only one you can ever love

Is the same old almighty you

Wait… here we go again

I swore that I wouldn’t speak of pain

About being under the rain

And tears that are going down the drain

You are …

So captivating

And I am …

So caught up in your web

I’m tangled in your trap

Mesmerized and all that crap

You like what we have ‘because you think it’s a game

Would you believe me if I told you that it’s all the same

It’s not like I want that for ever and everish feel

Or that I’m fighting a hidden urge to carry your name

I may be playing it dumb but I know what’s real

Being with you and ruling this world; rocking this world

Is as good as it can gets

I’m not waiting for a fairytale to unfold

It’s not about what you think

Or about what I’ve been told

It’s about captivating a rock star

Yes sir, you definitely are.

October, 2007

IS IT JUST ME?!!

2009-12-19T22:00:00.004+02:00

The clock is ticking, the time is moving, and soon we will be in 2010! I don’t know about you all, but I’ve always been one of the people who combined the thought of 2010 with moon tourism and high-tech gadgets availability to everyone, I guess I was only right about the second part except for the “everyone” assumption.

That’s it, when I think about the new year, my thoughts ends here, am I the only human being on earth that doesn’t really care about New Years, I mean is it a cultural thing, or is it just me? A new year is approaching, so what? 2007, 2010, 1998 I mean what’s the difference, it’s only a number right? Even when I reminisce I usually remember that it was summer, it was two years ago, or that it was a certain occasion, and sometimes, just sometimes, I remember that it was 2008 Summer or 2007 winter, anything that goes further back, I have to calculate the date to remember what year was it, I know I’ve mentioned this before, but IS IT JUST ME?!

I think that we and by “We” I mean “me” usually evaluate things by their details, how we perceive people also depends on the little details. High School was fun because of the times I spent sleeping at a certain chair that was designed for two people to set on, but luckily the space designed for another student was occupied by my converse shoes, because of how good I felt when some friends and I ditched some classes, because of how normal it was getting good marks in exams without studying ( Which’s something that NEVER, NEVER happens to me anymore!), it has nothing to do with how big the school building was, how many years did I attend that school, or even the percentage I got in my graduation certificate.

The guy I met this morning is absolutely gorgeous simply because of the way he smiled, he half smiled and had his eyes fixed on me, and just like that I could define him as someone who is gorgeous, I am sure there were some other elements but I wouldn’t use them to describe him. My best friend is my “best” friend because she cares about the little things like I do, because she often disappears but always there when I needed her. If I were asked to tell what was the best time I had with my oldest brother, I wouldn’t say the time we spent chatting about life matters, but I would say the 3 minutes we spent laughing like some people who were just a “little” crazy at my Father when acted in a way that was so very expected of him.

Life is good because of certain moments that happens, little things that we appreciate, I can give a thousand example of these things, but I will never be able to judge a whole year and say 2009 was great, or I hope 2010 will be a good one, I don’t want it to be a good year as in succeeding in all my new resolutions, that would scare me off! I want it to be just like 2009, 2003, and 1994, full of moments to remember, full of achievements and failures.

Actually my new year starts every day, and by everyday I mean everyday that I start with a caffeine dosage or a friendly smile from a certain person, believe me, they both have the same effect.

My friends,with every sunrise we are being told that we still have time to spend on earth, might as well spent it wisely, why wait for a Calendar to tell us that we have the permission to celebrate another 365 days.

Very Recommended for Frequent Alcohol Users.

2009-11-19T15:04:00.001+02:00

مقتطف صغير من كتابات أنسي الحاج

2009-09-26T13:27:00.004+02:00

هذا القرف العارم, الجبار, الهدّام, الأصيل, المنير, الكاسح, الذي يتعاظم في صدري يوماً بعد يوم, قرف من هذا الجنس البشري, الحقير, الوغد, اللئيم, البشع, والذي أنا منه, والذي أنا أفضل منه, والذي أنا أسوأ منه, والذي يقتلني لا عجزي أمامه, أمام حقارته وغباوته فحسب, بل عجزي عن كرهه حته النهاية

Translation:

This overwhelming disgust, this tremendous, subversive, true born, enlightening disgust, which is growing inside my chest every day, this disgust of the human race, of this despicable villain, insidious, ugly race, which I am of part of , which I am better than it, which I am the worst than it, which doesn't kill me because of my inability before it, before it's baseness and idiocy, but because of my inability to hate it until the end.

I carry your heart with me

2009-08-18T12:36:00.003+03:00

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it (anywhere I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

What love is for a poet?

2009-08-11T22:46:00.002+03:00

Love possesses nothing and does not want to be possessed, because it is enough in itself. It will make you grow, and then throw you on the ground. It will whip you so that you feel your impotence, it will shake you to rid you of all your impurities. It will crush you to leave you flexible.

And then it will toss you in the fire so that you can become the blessed bread to be served at God’s sacred feast (The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran [1883-1931]).

Is This Even Poetry?

2009-07-14T16:11:00.002+03:00

Dying Love Affair

Your dying breath

So cold and heavy

Is breathing life into me

The freezing wind

That rocks your walls

Shattering your ground

Is breaking it all down

And breaking me free

The foundations are cracking

The foundations of what I thought once

Was a "never- dying" love affair

I can see the ground shaking

From down beneath

I can see it so clearly

I can tell by the rusty cracks

That this love is a moon, lent to me for too long...

Glasses for The First Time!!

2009-07-04T12:14:00.003+03:00

Yesterday I was checking the measurments for my new glasses, After putting them on, the Doctor asked me to walk around the store to check if the glasses had the right measurments, and sure they did! for the first time ever I was able to recognizee people's facial details from across the street!!

07/04/2010

The Search For Answers

2009-06-27T15:18:00.002+03:00

I've always been interesred in knowing more about the world, and searching for answers regarding about everything, but now... the more I know the less I want to know.

How sentimental , right?

I Love You Both

2009-06-15T20:16:00.005+03:00

I am guilty of a crime

For I am in love with two

Suffering is my fate

And I have no body to blame

No body but me

Lost in a daze

Preoccupied by the truth

That is hard to face

Torturing two hearts

Whom their only crime

Is that they'd met me

I am cursed 'cause I am in love with two

From head right down to toe

Don't say I am lying

I am only trying

To let you know

That I love you both

Review: Brida by Paulo Coelho

2009-06-09T20:35:00.016+03:00

" The whole of man's life on the face of the earth can be summed up by that search for his soul mate. He may pretend to be running after wisdom, money or power, but none matters. Whatever he achieves will be incomplete if he fails to find his soul mate.
"

The importance Coelho give to the search for soulmate in this book can not be ignored. For those who read Coelho's work for the first time, it can be quite surprising, for those who are familiar with Coelho's work; it's not a big surprise!

Brida is a book about a young Irish girl, who came to the City in search for answers, answers regarding her questions about her past, present, future, and most of all questions about her reason for existence, questions that can not be answered for her if she weren't to follow her gift, through Magic.

" Whenever you have to find about something, Plunge right in!"

In order for Brida to find out about her destiney; her gift, she had to plunge right in an unknown sea, plunge in unfamiliar water, with all her heart. But she's human like us, someone who have fears and doubts, and she had to plunge in that sea with all this package of unanswered questions and fears about losing what she's been familiar with her entire life, and that's were we notice how Coelho managed to merge all this human emotions, fears, and desires only to portrait a character so beautifully that it's easy for anyone to connect to.

In this book, Coelho tries to show us through the tale of Brida how to make allies out of our endless internal conflicts, desires, doubts, temptations, and fears.

"Anyone who comes into contact with sex knows that they're dealing with something which only happens in all its intensity when they lose control. When we're in bed with someone, we're giving permission to that person not only to commune with our body, but with our whole being. The pure forces of life are in communication with each other, independently of us, and then we cannot hide who we are. "

" When you are in love, you are capable of learning everything and of knowing things you had never dared even to think, because love was the key to understanding of all the mysteries."

For Brida, to be fully ready to accept her gift, and master it, she had to learn about Sex as a force, she had learn how to make use of this force to know herself and discover her gift. Most importantly, she had to learn about love, and accept that the only way possible for her to know and master her gift is through love ( Again, for Coelho it’s not unusual to write about love as the most liberating emotion). She must learn about love to continue in her path to knowledge and wisdom.

“That is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine and that is why I will never lose you. You were my hope during my days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith.”

Brida deals with love and loss in a way only Coelho can portrait.

In this tale, you will notice ( If this isn't your first Coelho experience) that this isn't exactly his most philosophically drenched book.

Brida, a compelling and magical epic so beautifully written that it can easily takes you to a world of Magic. A world that MIGHT be ours. Reading this book is a journey that's definitely worth taking.

Thank you Mark!

The basic ideas in Brida:

- Witchcraft, " Bridging the Visible and the Invisible Worlds".

- Love and loss, a must read for anyone who has ever lost a "soulmate".

- Spiritual journey of self-discovery that doesn't require conquering doubt, on the contrary, it gives us a chance to celebrate it, for only we can grow and continue growing through doubt, once we we stop doubting, we stop growing.

Ordinary Life

2009-06-04T12:56:00.004+03:00

I hold no grudge

I owe no one

I am not impressed

Not indifferent

I fall out of love

Before I fall in

Standing in the middle of the day

Blinded by the sun

Always tempted to run

I hear my self falling

Gently crashing

Into an ordinary world

Into an ordinary day

Greenday in Tripoli

2009-06-03T13:33:00.003+03:00

Yesterday when I was going back home, I noticed that the streets of Tripoli are becoming cleaner and more organized than they used to be, the Taxi driver was driving a little too fast. and the sun was about to leave.

I turned up the volume in my mp3 player ( Yes, some people still use these machines) but it wasn't loud enough, so I turned it up again as I listen to GD preforming Brain Stew to a large audience, I must say, they sound better preforming live, and thinking about that sorta put this idea in my head that I should turn up the volume again.

I was looking at the WORLD from the car window, and I all had to do was drift away, it felt like a true bless!

2009-05-28T20:38:00.000+03:00

2009-05-28T20:34:00.000+03:00

2009-05-28T20:21:00.000+03:00

I ARE GONNA KILL YOU, I IS DANGEROUS

Memories

2009-05-27T14:35:00.003+03:00

Memories

It's time now

To let you go

It's time now

To let you leave

Let you burn

Down in the flames

With your memories.

A Guest Of Honor

2009-05-25T12:57:00.001+03:00

Today this man cam to my office and handed me an envelope, asking me to give it o my Boss, the envelope had my Boss's name on it, so I asked him: from whom should I tell him this envelope is from, he said : A guest of honor, so I said to him: Yes, I understand that he's invited as a guest of honor, but who sent him this invitation?

he said : a guest of honor, I interrupted him : I know that... what I meant is ..., he interrupted me saying: Miss, my name is A guest of honor.

I said: oohkay.

He marched a few steps toward the door, that's when I asked him: this isn't the first time this happens to you right? he replied: No it's not the first time.

Change

2009-05-03T22:19:00.006+03:00

Change

The freinds I once held close
Are gone now
The places, faces I wanted to see the most
Seem so dull now

Even your smile
Those laughing eyes of yours
That Tender look you give me
That same look that once killed me
And then brought me back to life
Feels so hollow
So ordinary
Their powers must've been stolen by a ghost
Swept away by the wind of change
Leaving me feeling so ... so lost.

Heaven

2009-03-17T09:59:00.005+02:00

Under the spell I am falling
It's clutching my heart again
I can't breathe no more
My soul is going to waste
Clouds are spreading their mighty wings all over my little blue sky
Telling me that I can't fly
I can't stay no more
Smokes are smothering me
And I can't breathe no more
Blood is flooding through the earth
Frightening the sun
There's no where to hide
No where to run
But you're with me; holding my hand
And that makes it heaven
'Cause you're with me, it must be heaven

Uncovering the veil of smiles
You can see right through me
I am bare before you
I can't put any lies in between
I can't lie to you
And why would I want to

'Cause when you're with me
It feels like heaven
'Cause you're mine
I can make it happen
'Casue you're near me
It must be heaven
'Cause you're with me
It must be heaven

L.O.V.E

2009-03-16T10:42:00.004+02:00

I dedicate this to my friend Saikat Biswas who believes that everything I write isn't gibberish and that I am a poet.

Love isn't a joyful song
Love isn't a Broadway Show
In which two lovers meet
love is the tears you shed
It's the pain you don't wanna leave
It's the doom you'll refuse to flee
It's the choice you make oh so willingly
Knowing that you'll end up beat, defeat
It's learning how to survive
When you lose the will to stay alive

I fell in love
Gained so much
And oh lost so much
I lost myself
And gained you my sunshine
I lost myself
And lost all others

Love is having the will to fight
And bet against fate
Sailing without a ship... against the wind
It's losing all common sense
It's wanting it all
While despising being a friend

In love, to have it all
You must lose it all
You will learn the game of letting go
Before you can stand tall, you must learn how to fall
You'll have nothing to lose
'Cause you lost it all

I fell in love
Gained so much
And oh lost so much
I lost myself
And gained you my sunshine
I lost myself
Oh so willingly...

Random Acts Of Teasing

2009-03-12T13:52:00.005+02:00

Yesterday when I was having lunch, a co-worker came and sat in front of me, he was having his lunch too, an old man he was, probably the oldest guy I ever had daily contact with. When I went to have my lunch I was in a sightly depressing mood, nothing important, just a depression episode.

I looked at my lunch which was made of fish and fried potatoes, a lunch that I always enjoyed, for some reason it looked repulsive to me, I don't know why exactly did I feel that way, the only logical explanation that comes to mind is that because I was in a bad mood, every thing was disgusting, even friendly smiles, they either had some secretly hidden meanings or looked perverted. If this is how I felt about smiles, no wonder why my favourite lunch looked disgusting to me.

So I started eating, the old man started observing me and the teasing me about the way I eat, so I smiled at him, he started criticizing and teasing me again about the way I use my hands to eat my lunch, I couldn't help but laugh, and the more I laughed the more he kept on teasing me, I wasn't angry or anything because I knew that is just what old men do, they tease us with words, and being the thin skinned girl that I am, I usually enjoy the company of the people who tend to make me laugh, usually at myself.

Later on that day, I called a friend of mine, she was about 2 years younger than I am, she started talking to me about several things that's been happening with her lately, unconsciously I started teasing her, and she started laughing, I enjoyed our conversation and afterwards I started to look for another victim to tease, and just like that, by a force of random acts of teasing I was able to see people's smiles again as a sign of friendliness. ( Or a hint of a possible teasing victim).

Salutation

2009-03-11T14:39:00.003+02:00

Your fading stars
Did light my way
Your chilling memory
Is in m heart to stay
Your haunting shadow
Can turn my blue sky into a sheet of gray

Since you've been gone
I wend as I hailed
To forget your face; I failed
Did ran and bent
To the devil; my soul I did rent
Thought I can't be beat
So I conquered the world, and slept defeat
Gave birth and took lives
Replaced roses, with sharp edged knives
And I don't get you still
And I don't know you still

I don't want your washed out dreams to live in me
If you're my only vision then I don't want to see
Don't want to ask you how did you do it
Don't want to ask you why
'Cause all I wanna say dear is goodbye

A fighter

2009-03-11T11:24:00.002+02:00

Speak up, speak out
Isn't that what you always do?
Fight back, shatter the clouds
Isn't that what always said that you would do?
You're a soldier, you're fighter
You're everything you ever wanted to be
You're gonna go there, you're gonna fight back, you're gonna prove to yourself that...
You're a soldier, you're a fighter

And when the rain is pouring down
You will wipe the tears and draw the lines
You'll fight the battle and win the game
Because...
You're a soldier, you're a fighter
You're everything that I ever wanted to be

And today isn't just like any other day
When you were faced with harsh reality
You crawled inside your shell and cried yourself to sleep
I could see that you were broken, you were hurt, the pain was running deep
But I am not gonna take it, I'm not gonna leave you alone
I'm gonna be your soldier, I'm gonna fight back
I'll wipe your tears, and take you back home

Because...
You're my soldier, you're my fighter
You're everything that I ever wanted you to be

11.03.2009

Sliding

2009-02-02T22:01:00.000+02:00

The rain is falling down
And so are my tears
My heart is breaking
My soul is drowning
My thoughts are shattered
Oh pain
Please let go of me
Leave me alone
I can't stand you anymore
You make me sick
And I don't even hate you
'Cause I knew you
For a long long time
'Cause I can feel you near me
Waiting to jump up at me
All the time

Standing here
Surrounded be people
And feeling so alone
I reach my hand to you, in vain
‘Cause you're so far away

Floating on an icy water
Drowned in fear
Feeling so in control
And feeling like loosing it
Did you hear that?
I just cracked inside
Can you feel it?
I'm falling apart
Yes, I'm falling apart

I've hit rock bottom
You'd think I'm down
But I'm only sliding
Into the great unknown

Sitting here
Surrounded by fences
That I've built up around me
And feeling weaker than weak
Somebody help me
To breakaway
Far away.

Amor

2009-02-02T21:55:00.000+02:00

Through it all
Through the madness and through the sanity
Through the doubts and through reality
In this life or in another
We'll be together
And we'll overcome

For the promises that lovers broke
For the oaths that you and I took
For the sake of the times that we well spent
And the laughter that came and went

I never tricked you into believing
That the day won't come when I'll be leaving
You didn't want to hear a lie
You've always kept it real, I can't deny
But I'm telling you now
That I will stay

Through it all
Through my madness and through your sanity
Through their doubts and through our reality
In this live or in another
We'll be together
And we’ll overcome.

September 24, 2007

A Memory

2009-02-02T21:53:00.001+02:00

The memory of your face
Keeps haunting me
The sent of the place
You said goodbye
Is smothering me

I know I was right
To let you go
Simply 'cause we weren't true
But in the back of my mind;
That’s filled with haze
I keeping tricking myself
Searching for an excuse, for a memory
That would lead me back to you
Is it you who I’m missing
Or is it the dream that we once had
The dream that we shared, cared and lived for
I really don’t know, all I know is that
Being, living, and breathing without you
Feels so hallow
Wishing I was someone else
Is a dream that I can not follow
Because…
The memory of your face
Keeps haunting me
The sent of the place
You said goodbye
Is smothering me

Standing Still

2009-02-02T21:52:00.003+02:00

I'm standing here, all alone
With no expectations and no remorse
Standing still as I watch
The train of time flashes before my eyes
One minute and I'll be dead
Two minutes and I'll come back
To same place, in the same time

I'm walking in my own world
Out of time and out of place
A little dead, Yet alive
I climb mountains
And yet I'm still here, I'm still down
Floating on the track of time
In and out of this world
The sun shines on
And you see me flying
Wait .......here's a storm
Headed my way
Yes, My way

I walk in this odd street
As the years of my life falls down
As if they were leaves on an autumn day
I gaze
I stare
And every minute I stand longer
The feeling becomes stronger
I fall
I crash
I vanish
As I go inside the souls
Of those charmed ones in this place
This is something I can not face
My soul becomes more and more vulnerable
Ohh ... I gotta quit this race

April 30, 2007

My Calling

2009-02-02T21:50:00.001+02:00

I look at you
You’re looking back
I see rivers, oceans and stars
That lies within your eyes
I look at you
A burning fire
And a raging soul
Is all I see
Looking at you
Again and again
But when I stare
The haze around you
Starts to fade
And a hallow soul
A sullen smile
Is all I see
I look once more
And this time I feel so scared
Because I see a deadly trap
And because I hear
Frightened ghosts
Calling out for me
And this time I see
I see, death staring back at me.

September 8, 2007

2009-01-31T00:59:00.001+02:00

Salutaions

2008-09-05T08:33:00.002+02:00

Your fading stars
Did light my way
Your chilling sun
Is in my heart to stay
Your lovely presence
Can turn my blue sky
into a sheet of gray

I came and went
I ran and bent
Thought I can't be beat
So I conquered the world
And slept defeat
Gave birth and took lives
Replaced roses with sharp edge knives
And I still can't get you
I still can't hate you
I still can't change you

So won't you please go away
Won't you please fade away
I'm asking you this because
I don't want your washed out dreams to live in me
If you're my only vision
Then I don't wanna see
I won't ask you how you did it or ask you why
'cause all I wanna say dear is : Goodbye.

This Generation.

2008-08-24T22:12:00.002+03:00

This Generation! * with a frustrated sigh* is un-be-lievable.

How many times did you hear someone say these words, how many times did you say it yourself?

This is generation is careless, lazy, unmotivated, and mostly careless. These are some of the names people call my generation. Oh I wasn't like this when I was your age, and some other lines that basically means the same thing. well, you know what? you're not in my age, you haven't been raised in the same situations and circumstances I was raised in, you probably didn't even have all the high-tech equipments, access to any information you wanted to know like I did and still do, etc. Yet you still have the courage to come up and and feel all dazzled about how we are the way we are now. of course we're not going to share the same interests and priorities,If we did, then it would've been strange.

I connect to the people who are in my age group, I can understand why other generation can not understand us, but understanding is all I have to offer.

I don't wish I was born in another time, this time is perfect, the flaws we see in this world today are perfect, because they give us a chance to make things right, because this chaos we live in is exactly what we need to start a revolution, a revolution of music, artwork, hip hop, punk, networking, a revolution that it's hero's are geeks, ADDers, and graffiti artists.

Just give us the mice, direct the camera toward us, and put the show on air, you will only be fascinated how beautiful a world that's been designed by Games Addicts can be.

I believe in this generation, it doesn't have to be my generation, maybe my nephew's. My idea is the younger/careless they may seem, the more potential they have to make things right.

Life...

2008-07-20T22:48:00.002+03:00

Hi, my name is Amira, but you’re free to call me anything you want. More one grows up and more one gets darker. I know that for sure, I experienced it in my skin, it's not easy at all but it’s doomed so resistance is decreased.
Life resembles children’s playtime incredibly, you know that it’s not going to last forever and you also know that you pretty much can’t control what happens in this period of time, but you still want to play anyway and you’re just so damn happy that you got invited. But After a while the game loses its captivating magic, so what if you got invited, isn’t everybody else is! And you know what maybe you’ll get kicked out soon too, you think that this playtime is dull, you’re not having fun anymore, but you are willing too do anything to survive the game, even if that means you’ll have to bully between once and a while also even if that means you’ll have turn into this frightening sullen creature. If the other kids are scared of you they will not kick you out, would they? Somewhere along the road we miss the whole point, we lose our guiding light and suddenly our drive is changed into another completely different direction, without really thinking about it we found ourselves compelled to turn into these miserable unhappy creatures that are strongly clinging to life, clutching it with their fingernails with all their might and just… won’t… let …go.
As you see, it’s not about having a good time any more or about meeting new people and learning more about life, it’s about staying in the game, No. even that won’t be enough for us after a while, it’s about running the game and setting the rules. Eventually when you finally “win” you’ll never know how it feels like to be a winner ‘cause you never played the game fair and square.

2008-07-18T17:34:00.004+03:00

This is a short kinda story I wrote more than two years ago, when I was challenged to post a story in a msg board that I was active in, for some reason I think it's worthy of being posted here, Enjoy!

"Mary Chrstams"

Christmas has always been strange to me. I had a very complicated relationship with it. I remember when I was younger we used to celebrate on the last day of the year, welcoming the New Year and kissing goodbye the old one. When I finally got to 7th grade a new tradition was begun. Early on, before December started to fade away around December 23rd, my friends would give colorful cards with bright words on it like "Mary Chrstams" instead of "Merry Christmas". Most of the people I studied with can't read nor spell English words correctly!

The next year I realized that "Chrstams" festivities are advancing more and more quickly. Now they exchange little gifts, strictly using green and red colors on the "Chrstams" cards. I wanted to say to them "come on it's a whole new thing for me", but I chose to go with the flow for many good reasons: one of them is boredom. Of course as a lazy kid all I could think of was "damnit now I have to make a lot of cards in biology class instead of getting some sleep! When I find this "Chrstams" is costing me a lot of valuable time, I'll turn and do it anyway. Strangely back then I only exchanged gifts and cards with people that I did not really care about, My friends didn't exchange gifts and I didn't give them anything either, and all that is left of that time are cards that are taking too much space in my drawers.

In the midst of all these things I had a friend who became close to me lately (she's one of the friends that I didn't exchange gift with), I had a really tough time last week and she was the only one who was there for me, like she always has. I love her a lot! She always seemed to appear when I needed her, and when nobody else was there for me. Two days ago I went shopping and I saw a lovely music box. I thought of Lila and I knew she would love it, 'Cause she always had this" little joyful things" fever so I bought it, wrapped it beautifully, and put it in my drawer. My concern was when I should give it to her. I thought it would be a nice gift for the New Year occasion, but I realized that I won’t be able to meet her at that time because she's going somewhere far away to celebrate this event with her family. I did not know what to do!

Today when I saw the titles of Sandra’s and Chip's stories an idea popped up. I should give it to her as a Christmas present! Chrstams didn't mean anything to me when it was only about exchanging gifts and cards, but now it has a whole new meaning for me, it's not really about buying gifts as much as it's about remembering our loved ones and showing them how much we're blessed to have them in our lives and let them know that they're always in our minds.
For some people Christmas means joy and laughter, forgiving and a sweet time. For me it meant solutions for problems and a reason to keep me awake through biology classes!

"Mary Chrstams" everybody!

Exactly!

2008-06-22T02:04:00.002+03:00

Ok! So I've registered in this film directing kinda msg board, just for fun you know, and didn't know that they make some of the user's private details public like birthday, e-mail address and all that.

And then one day, when I was online on Yahoo messenger, this guy was like Hi my name is Ahmed, I got your yahoo addy from that msg board, and I also like directing films and such, so we talked for like 3 minutes, he was boring as can be, but I still kept talking to him because I was trying to be kind, he asked me how old I was, and honestly I replied 19, he said "OMG I am 19 too!", and then we talked for another 50 seconds before he asked me if I wanted to see him.

No need to say, I was like, Yes, sure, I'd love to see your pic, he sent me his pic, and without exaggerating things, he looked almost 40, all I could say to him was " You don't look 19 to me".

His spontaneous reply was " Heh, yeah I am 27 and I am a doctor"

I said " Yeah me too!"

He said " No no, I am a doctor for real", I said " Yes sure, and I train monkeys for living, it was nice to meet you bro, see ya".

I mean really! what's wrong with people nowadays, or is just normal to have creepy people in this world, just to balance things, you know.

Somthing I wrote

2008-05-29T23:14:00.001+03:00

Standing Still

I'm standing here, all alone
With no expectations and no remorse
Standing still as I watch
The train of time flashes before my eyes
One minute and I'll be dead
Two minutes and I'll come back
To same place, in the same time

I'm walking in my own world
Out of time and out of place
A little dead, Yet alive
I climb mountains
And yet I'm still here, I'm still down
Floating on the track of time
In and out of this world
The sun shines on
And you see me flying
Wait .......here's a storm
Headed my way
Yes, My way

I walk in this odd street
As the years of my life falls down
As if they were leaves on an autumn day
I gaze
I stare
And every minute I stand longer
The feeling becomes stronger
I fall
I crash
I vanish
As I go inside the souls
Of those charmed ones in this place
This is something I can not face
My soul becomes more and more vulnerable
Ohh ... I gotta quit this race

April 30, 2007

I <3 Enrique.

2008-05-29T22:41:00.001+03:00

I am a fan of Enrique Iglesias, and I am not afraid to say it.

Okay, I admit I am lazy!

2008-05-28T16:31:00.005+03:00

Hi guys,

If this is your first visit to this blog, I hope that you aren't disappointed.

If this is not your first visit to this blog, then you're already disappointed.

My point is, if you're looking for a nice light funny blog to read everyday, check while you're online in hope that you might find something funny, intellectual, or even useful, my advice to you would be not come here ever again.

If you're one of the poeple that aren't very fond of reading long articles, boring details about other's social lives, and you're here only to check the blog every two-three days, maybe a week will go by without typying this blog address, or maybe you'll visit this blog every day, but all alone you don't have high expectations regarding this blog, then I welcome you to my blog, and I think you just found what you're looking for.( High-five!)

About this blog

2008-04-23T11:19:00.005+02:00

This blog is under construction, abviously.
But come back soon, you'll see some changes, I promise.
please...